“Michelle, I don’t know what to do,” the email began.
I was at work, and the message was from one of the many consultants I work with.
“I just got my check from your company, but when I opened the envelope, a second envelope was glued to it. Without thinking, I opened the second envelope to discover someone else’s check. What should I do?”
This is the third time in a month that the mailing machine has glued multiple envelopes together, causing consultants to receive other people’s paychecks. It isn’t my fault, but I want people to get paid, and making the situation right is absolutely my job. This involved contacting all the affected consultants, explaining our mailing machine malfunction, sharing how we would make the situation right, and apologizing profusely.
One of the affected consultants, whom I know to have a sharp wit and excellent sense of humor, responded to my apology email, saying, “This is a hilariously old-fashioned problem that feels like a holiday movie in the making. I challenge you to workshop a plot in which two envelopes are stuck together, and hijinks ensue.”
Yes, I thought. I accept this challenge.
So, on my lunch break, I spent 15 minutes writing 85% of what you see below. Once home, I fleshed the plot out a bit more. The creation of this silly story brought me more joy than almost anything else I’ve done this Christmas season, and I share it for your enjoyment.
I was at work, and the message was from one of the many consultants I work with.
“I just got my check from your company, but when I opened the envelope, a second envelope was glued to it. Without thinking, I opened the second envelope to discover someone else’s check. What should I do?”
This is the third time in a month that the mailing machine has glued multiple envelopes together, causing consultants to receive other people’s paychecks. It isn’t my fault, but I want people to get paid, and making the situation right is absolutely my job. This involved contacting all the affected consultants, explaining our mailing machine malfunction, sharing how we would make the situation right, and apologizing profusely.
One of the affected consultants, whom I know to have a sharp wit and excellent sense of humor, responded to my apology email, saying, “This is a hilariously old-fashioned problem that feels like a holiday movie in the making. I challenge you to workshop a plot in which two envelopes are stuck together, and hijinks ensue.”
Yes, I thought. I accept this challenge.
So, on my lunch break, I spent 15 minutes writing 85% of what you see below. Once home, I fleshed the plot out a bit more. The creation of this silly story brought me more joy than almost anything else I’ve done this Christmas season, and I share it for your enjoyment.
Stuck with Christmas
A Holiday movie plot by Michelle Lashier
A single, big-city lawyer (who is also incredibly attractive and has perfectly curled hair) goes home to Backwater, Minnesota, for the holidays to care for her aging father. He’s broken a hip, and he’s not able to take care of himself in the big old house he used to share with his wife (the lawyer’s mother) before she died years ago. By the way, he has no Internet.
The lawyer doesn’t have enough vacation, leave, or money to take time off from her very important job at a prestigious law firm in the big city, so she brings her laptop to keep up her caseload in Backwater. But since Dad’s house has no Internet, she’s forced to work for several hours a day at the local coffee shop.
One day, while the lawyer is working at the coffee shop, she has a meet-cute with the local widowed hardware store owner when their coffee orders get mixed up. They immediately hate each other for no reason.
The lawyer is working on a crucial case, but in the stress of hurrying home to care for Dad (who is not taking medical advice as he should), she forgot to bring the case files with her. Her legal assistant in the big city tries to email the files, but the lawyer can’t download the PDFs on the coffee shop’s weak Wi-Fi. The documents must be mailed–and fast–via the US Postal Service because that’s the only delivery service that comes to Backwater.
Meanwhile, our hardware store guy is having a rough time. He’s just been served lawsuit papers. A former employee took a turn too fast while driving the forklift in the lumber yard, sprained his neck, and must wear a neck brace all the time. The former employee is suing for damages and workmen’s comp.
The hardware store guy has no idea how he will pay legal fees to defend himself. To make matters worse, he has twin daughters with crooked teeth who desperately need braces. He’s been so stressed that he hasn’t bought any Christmas presents yet. Even worse, if he loses the lawsuit, he’ll lose the hardware store.
An elderly US Postal Service employee who looks suspiciously like Santa Claus delivers a large envelope full of the lawyer’s case files to the door of her father’s home. Stressed by caring for her father, balancing a job, and having no Internet, the lawyer opens the envelope. Another envelope has been mysteriously stuck to it. Distracted, she opens the second envelope, believing it to be hers as well, and dumps all the contents on the kitchen table to go through later because Dad needs help again with something.
Later that evening, when Dad is in bed, the lawyer starts sorting her papers. In the stack, she discovers a copy of a lawsuit filing that isn’t hers. Confused, she retrieves the envelopes from the trash and realizes that another envelope was stuck to hers, and she opened that envelope by mistake. She notes that the second envelope and the lawsuit papers belong to the hardware store guy. She knows she shouldn’t read the lawsuit, but she does anyway, and now she’s fully briefed on the legal battles the hardware store guy is facing.
The next morning, the lawyer drops by the hardware store to return the lawsuit papers to their rightful owner. Sheepishly, she explains how the envelopes were stuck together and how she opened his by mistake. They’re both embarrassed that she’s seen the contents of his envelope. As he quickly exits to help a customer, the lawyer notices two little girls with crooked teeth playing dolls behind the cash register.
The lawyer talks with the girls and asks them what they want for Christmas. “All we want for Christmas is a new mommy. Ours is dead,” the little girls say. The lawyer is taken aback.
The hardware store guy is back before she can make an uncomfortable exit. She apologizes again for opening his mail. Because she prattles endlessly when she’s nervous or embarrassed (but that never happens in the courtroom, only around cute guys), she admits that she read the lawsuit and feels bad for the hardware store guy’s legal troubles.
At this tiny act of sympathy, the hardware store guy spills his guts about everything wrong in his life.
Greatly moved, the lawyer offers to represent him and help with the lawsuit. Her offer of help moves him. Dislike turns to romantic sparks. He invites her to the Christmas tree lighting in the town square that evening.
The lawyer and the hardware store guy bond over hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and cinnamon at the Christmas tree lighting event. Despite the temperature being twenty below, everyone is dressed like it’s 60 degrees (revealing this was filmed in Vancouver because no true Minnesotan would be dumb enough to spend time outside in twenty below without being properly geared up).
As the little girls skate arm-in-arm around the ice rink at the town square and laugh excitedly with other town children, the lawyer and the hardware store guy share emotional truths and experience deep bonding and connection.
In a stroke of Christmas magic, they catch sight of the hardware store guy’s former employee. The former employee is not wearing a neck brace and is dashing around town like someone who is entirely healthy. Clearly, this former employee isn’t really injured and is just milking the situation. The lawyer promises to work her legal magic and get this case thrown out of court. The hardware store guy is grateful, but he can’t pay her. That’s okay, she assures him. She’ll do it pro bono as a sort of Christmas gift.
The next day, as the lawyer goes to city hall to file for the lawsuit to be dismissed, she runs into the local busybody, who is also attractive and has a strong dislike for the lawyer. The busybody shares that she and the hardware store guy have been dating for six months, and she expects him to propose this Christmas.
The lawyer is devastated by this news. Obviously, this random busybody is telling the truth. The lawyer’s romantic dreams about the hardware store guy are dashed. But because she’s a lawyer with ethics and a woman of her word, she files for the dismissal as promised.
In an eerily fast legal process on December 23, the lawyer goes before the judge and gets the lawsuit thrown out. The hardware store guy is incredibly grateful and suggests he and the lawyer get coffee together to celebrate. But she brushes him off. She’s not fond of men lying to her, and the hardware store guy obviously staged the entire stuck envelope situation and his apparent attraction to her to manipulate her into representing him in court for free. She’s bitter and hates all men except dear old Dad, who tries to offer words of wisdom, but the lawyer won’t listen.
The hardware store guy doesn’t understand why the lawyer brushed him off. On the morning of December 24, he goes to the coffee shop hoping to see her again, but she’s not there. Instead, he meets the busybody who can’t keep her mouth shut, even when it serves her own purpose. The busybody admits she told the lawyer that she and the hardware store guy had been dating for six months.
“We went out twice for coffee!” he exclaims. “I told you repeatedly that I didn’t like you like that.”
“You can’t blame me for protecting my territory,” the busybody says.
The hardware store guy hurriedly closes his store, packs his girls up in his beat-up red pickup truck, and drives to the lawyer’s house. She doesn’t want to talk to him, but he pushes his girls forward. The twins hand the lawyer two envelopes that have been stuck together.
Reluctantly, the lawyer opens the first envelope. Inside is a card with these words in a child’s handwriting: “Will you please…” Confused, the lawyer opens the second envelope that was stuck to it and finds the second card that reads, “Marry our daddy?”
The lawyer is shocked into silence. The hardware store guy uses this opportunity to explain how the busybody lied. He gets down on one knee in the snow and gives the lawyer his best puppy dog eyes while the two little girls smile at her, revealing their crooked teeth.
The lawyer is convinced. She says yes.
The lawyer and the hardware store guy kiss. The little girls cheer. This is true love.
The lawyer immediately decides to give up her big city life to open a tiny law office in Backwater so that she and the hardware store guy can marry and raise his daughters together. Also, the lawyer has a savings account that can be used to straighten the girls’ teeth. No girl in America should have anything less than perfect teeth.
“We’re getting a mommy for Christmas!” the little girls squeal in unison.
Cut to Christmas morning. Dad is sitting in a comfortable chair by the fire as the hardware store guy and the lawyer watch the little girls open myriads of presents the lawyer mysteriously had time to buy and ship overnight on Christmas Eve. The families have already blended. Life is bliss.
As the camera pulls away from the happy family, a mail truck drives by. Inside is the same man who delivered the stuck-together envelopes, and we can see clearly that the mailman truly was Santa Claus. He winks at the camera.
The lawyer doesn’t have enough vacation, leave, or money to take time off from her very important job at a prestigious law firm in the big city, so she brings her laptop to keep up her caseload in Backwater. But since Dad’s house has no Internet, she’s forced to work for several hours a day at the local coffee shop.
One day, while the lawyer is working at the coffee shop, she has a meet-cute with the local widowed hardware store owner when their coffee orders get mixed up. They immediately hate each other for no reason.
The lawyer is working on a crucial case, but in the stress of hurrying home to care for Dad (who is not taking medical advice as he should), she forgot to bring the case files with her. Her legal assistant in the big city tries to email the files, but the lawyer can’t download the PDFs on the coffee shop’s weak Wi-Fi. The documents must be mailed–and fast–via the US Postal Service because that’s the only delivery service that comes to Backwater.
Meanwhile, our hardware store guy is having a rough time. He’s just been served lawsuit papers. A former employee took a turn too fast while driving the forklift in the lumber yard, sprained his neck, and must wear a neck brace all the time. The former employee is suing for damages and workmen’s comp.
The hardware store guy has no idea how he will pay legal fees to defend himself. To make matters worse, he has twin daughters with crooked teeth who desperately need braces. He’s been so stressed that he hasn’t bought any Christmas presents yet. Even worse, if he loses the lawsuit, he’ll lose the hardware store.
An elderly US Postal Service employee who looks suspiciously like Santa Claus delivers a large envelope full of the lawyer’s case files to the door of her father’s home. Stressed by caring for her father, balancing a job, and having no Internet, the lawyer opens the envelope. Another envelope has been mysteriously stuck to it. Distracted, she opens the second envelope, believing it to be hers as well, and dumps all the contents on the kitchen table to go through later because Dad needs help again with something.
Later that evening, when Dad is in bed, the lawyer starts sorting her papers. In the stack, she discovers a copy of a lawsuit filing that isn’t hers. Confused, she retrieves the envelopes from the trash and realizes that another envelope was stuck to hers, and she opened that envelope by mistake. She notes that the second envelope and the lawsuit papers belong to the hardware store guy. She knows she shouldn’t read the lawsuit, but she does anyway, and now she’s fully briefed on the legal battles the hardware store guy is facing.
The next morning, the lawyer drops by the hardware store to return the lawsuit papers to their rightful owner. Sheepishly, she explains how the envelopes were stuck together and how she opened his by mistake. They’re both embarrassed that she’s seen the contents of his envelope. As he quickly exits to help a customer, the lawyer notices two little girls with crooked teeth playing dolls behind the cash register.
The lawyer talks with the girls and asks them what they want for Christmas. “All we want for Christmas is a new mommy. Ours is dead,” the little girls say. The lawyer is taken aback.
The hardware store guy is back before she can make an uncomfortable exit. She apologizes again for opening his mail. Because she prattles endlessly when she’s nervous or embarrassed (but that never happens in the courtroom, only around cute guys), she admits that she read the lawsuit and feels bad for the hardware store guy’s legal troubles.
At this tiny act of sympathy, the hardware store guy spills his guts about everything wrong in his life.
Greatly moved, the lawyer offers to represent him and help with the lawsuit. Her offer of help moves him. Dislike turns to romantic sparks. He invites her to the Christmas tree lighting in the town square that evening.
The lawyer and the hardware store guy bond over hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and cinnamon at the Christmas tree lighting event. Despite the temperature being twenty below, everyone is dressed like it’s 60 degrees (revealing this was filmed in Vancouver because no true Minnesotan would be dumb enough to spend time outside in twenty below without being properly geared up).
As the little girls skate arm-in-arm around the ice rink at the town square and laugh excitedly with other town children, the lawyer and the hardware store guy share emotional truths and experience deep bonding and connection.
In a stroke of Christmas magic, they catch sight of the hardware store guy’s former employee. The former employee is not wearing a neck brace and is dashing around town like someone who is entirely healthy. Clearly, this former employee isn’t really injured and is just milking the situation. The lawyer promises to work her legal magic and get this case thrown out of court. The hardware store guy is grateful, but he can’t pay her. That’s okay, she assures him. She’ll do it pro bono as a sort of Christmas gift.
The next day, as the lawyer goes to city hall to file for the lawsuit to be dismissed, she runs into the local busybody, who is also attractive and has a strong dislike for the lawyer. The busybody shares that she and the hardware store guy have been dating for six months, and she expects him to propose this Christmas.
The lawyer is devastated by this news. Obviously, this random busybody is telling the truth. The lawyer’s romantic dreams about the hardware store guy are dashed. But because she’s a lawyer with ethics and a woman of her word, she files for the dismissal as promised.
In an eerily fast legal process on December 23, the lawyer goes before the judge and gets the lawsuit thrown out. The hardware store guy is incredibly grateful and suggests he and the lawyer get coffee together to celebrate. But she brushes him off. She’s not fond of men lying to her, and the hardware store guy obviously staged the entire stuck envelope situation and his apparent attraction to her to manipulate her into representing him in court for free. She’s bitter and hates all men except dear old Dad, who tries to offer words of wisdom, but the lawyer won’t listen.
The hardware store guy doesn’t understand why the lawyer brushed him off. On the morning of December 24, he goes to the coffee shop hoping to see her again, but she’s not there. Instead, he meets the busybody who can’t keep her mouth shut, even when it serves her own purpose. The busybody admits she told the lawyer that she and the hardware store guy had been dating for six months.
“We went out twice for coffee!” he exclaims. “I told you repeatedly that I didn’t like you like that.”
“You can’t blame me for protecting my territory,” the busybody says.
The hardware store guy hurriedly closes his store, packs his girls up in his beat-up red pickup truck, and drives to the lawyer’s house. She doesn’t want to talk to him, but he pushes his girls forward. The twins hand the lawyer two envelopes that have been stuck together.
Reluctantly, the lawyer opens the first envelope. Inside is a card with these words in a child’s handwriting: “Will you please…” Confused, the lawyer opens the second envelope that was stuck to it and finds the second card that reads, “Marry our daddy?”
The lawyer is shocked into silence. The hardware store guy uses this opportunity to explain how the busybody lied. He gets down on one knee in the snow and gives the lawyer his best puppy dog eyes while the two little girls smile at her, revealing their crooked teeth.
The lawyer is convinced. She says yes.
The lawyer and the hardware store guy kiss. The little girls cheer. This is true love.
The lawyer immediately decides to give up her big city life to open a tiny law office in Backwater so that she and the hardware store guy can marry and raise his daughters together. Also, the lawyer has a savings account that can be used to straighten the girls’ teeth. No girl in America should have anything less than perfect teeth.
“We’re getting a mommy for Christmas!” the little girls squeal in unison.
Cut to Christmas morning. Dad is sitting in a comfortable chair by the fire as the hardware store guy and the lawyer watch the little girls open myriads of presents the lawyer mysteriously had time to buy and ship overnight on Christmas Eve. The families have already blended. Life is bliss.
As the camera pulls away from the happy family, a mail truck drives by. Inside is the same man who delivered the stuck-together envelopes, and we can see clearly that the mailman truly was Santa Claus. He winks at the camera.
The end
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